The pace of the modern family can only be described as frantic. Numerous activities, obligations, sports activities, school events, job requirements, and social expectations make constant demands on a family’s time and attention. As a result, many of us wrestle with the realization that our families all-too-often get one another’s leftovers. After all the demands are met outside the home do we begin to consider the needs inside the home. This just seems to be “normal” life in modern 21st century America.

It has been said that “The most extraordinary thing in the world is an ordinary man and an ordinary woman and their ordinary children.” (1) What may be more extraordinary in today’s society is a family at peace. Please understand, I’m not saying “perfect”. I’m not talking about some sort of fake “Pleasantville” family. There’s a noise and rambunctiousness that characterizes any family, particularly with young children. And that is joyful! Tiring at times, but joyful. That being said, it seems increasingly rare that we, as individuals, are at peace ourselves. Our families naturally follow suit. But in the midst of the busyness and stress of modern life, is there a way to foster and cultivate peace in our homes? I believe so. I believe there are some things we can do to help cultivate peace in our homes. Here are a few possibilities.

1. Technology-Free Time: This first point probably won’t surprise anyone. Technology has run amuck in our lives. While there are ways it has made some things more convenient, it has also negatively impacted both us and our children. There are days when it seems like we have enslaved ourselves to our phones. Why not take a daily 2-hour break- as a family- from our technology? Perhaps from 5pm to 7pm, typically dinner time. Everyone (Mom and Dad especially) turns off their phones (lest they be tempted by the beeping and buzzing of incoming notifications) and puts them in a basket and places them in a cabinet or in an unused room. Use this time to actually talk. I know! Old school, right?! You can also do some of the suggestions below during this time.

2. Calming Background Music: Save your head-banging Metallica tracks for another time! Turn off the television –too many of us use it as background noise with its steady stream of sensational and emotionally-manipulating news. Put on some classical music or jazz, or something equally calming. Just as rocking out at the gym can motivate you to push yourself, so calming music can help calm the environment in your home. Our family especially likes quiet classical guitar. Find some new favorites of your own. Put the volume up loud enough to be heard, but not so loud that it is difficult to converse.

3. Eat Together: This is another “Old School” suggestion! It has become more and more rare for families eat together. Schedules can make this difficult, but eating together at least one or maybe two times a week can pay big dividends for stressed out families. Since many of us are not in the habit of this, it may take some time to get in the routine. Numerous studies have shown that eating together is one of the best ways to build and strengthen relationships in our families. It shows commitment to the family and demonstrates the importance of the family to all who participate. It doesn’t have to be a fancy meal (order in if you like!) It just has to be a meal. The time together will be remembered long after the meatloaf becomes a suppressed memory for the children.

4. Talk about Life and Faith: Foster the practice of talking with one another, not just at one another. Conversations “at” someone center on tasks to be done, work to be completed, needs to be met. Conversations “with” someone center on the person, what’s happening in their life, and how they are feeling through the course of their day. Christians, I’d encourage you to talk openly about your faith with your kids. You don’t have to have all the answers. None of us do! In fact, it can be powerful when your kid asks you a “stumper” of a question. Discuss Scripture, church, and real, daily life. Ask your kids to pray for you. Maybe you can even take a few minutes and pray the Family Prayer from the Book of Common Prayer (This link is an example). However you discuss these things, simply aim for true authenticity appropriate to your kid’s age and maturity.

5. Calm Voices: We live in a noise-saturated society. It’s a loud and obnoxious world. Why not make your home a place where we agree not to yell? Not to yell at one another. Not to yell for one another across the house. It may take an extra thirty-seconds to walk to your kids room to talk with them. But, think about it. Do you like demands or even questions to be yelled at you from the other side of the house? Of course not! Proverbs tells us, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (2) Haven’t you seen this proverb in action in your own life?

There are so many ways for us to cultivate peace in the home. Add your suggestions in the comments if you like. By the way, my family doesn’t have this all figured out. We’ve made a ton of mistakes over the years and we still do. But we have leaned that we can cultivate more peace by being intentional about doing so. You can as well.

1. This is often attributed to G.K. Chesterton, but no source can be found.

2. Proverbs 15:1, ESV